I know it’s cliched to say it, but today? It was bittersweet.
Lots of milestones and big leaps for us all.
My youngest started kindergarten. My oldest started middle school.
It seems that only yesterday, my oldest was born; that I became a mama. Young. Naive. Determined. And so many other adjectives.
It seems that only yesterday, my youngest was born; that I went from having babies to fully raising a family. Young. Naive. Determined. And so many other adjectives.
These babies. Their sweet smell. Their tiny coos. The late night nursings. Their embodiment of new beginnings.
If I’m completely honest, I’ll admit, that the fact the my oldest has reached such a milestone (always the milestones! just stop, already!) makes my heart hurt in such big ways. She’s growing, just as she should.
Confident. Secure. Happy. Healthy.
But she is my firstborn.
If I’m completely honest, I’ll admit, that the fact the my youngest has reached such a milestone (again, with the milestones! just stop, already!) makes my heart hurt in such big ways. He’s growing, just as he should.
Confident. Secure. Happy. Healthy.
But he is my baby.
And yet, he isn’t. He’s growing up, just as he should.
A part of me wanted… hoped for… another. I loved being pregnant. I loved all of the changes, the anticipation. A world of newness waiting to bloom. I loved the connections and bonding it created through the family. Oldest to youngest. Youngest to oldest. The smell of a newborn is intoxicating.
Randy and I discussed the possibility of it. But in the end, we believed, in our hearts, that things are just as they should be.
But it doesn’t mean that milestones are less painful, or easier to bear.
It doesn’t mean that each step doesn’t fill me with nostalgia, or flood me with emotions.
I’m eternally grateful for my babies. They all are just that. All four: my babies.
Birth order has no real bearing in the grand scheme of things. The milestones aren’t any easier when the last crosses them, as they were when the first crossed them.
My two middle children. They ground me in so many ways. They ground the oldest and youngest, as well.
It’s a full circle. All of the dots are connected.
And life moves forward.
Just as it should.
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